Welcome to San Pedro de Nada

I never did care that much for lima beans. Oh sure they were edible and would keep you alive. I just don’t like them and now that is all that I have to eat.

My airplane went down on this remote island somewhere in the Pacific. I am not exactly sure where. The typhoon threw all my instrumentation off and somewhere along the way I misplaced my maps. Maybe I am Amelia Earhart all over again.

I made a makeshift shelter out of the remains of the fuselage and ate a can of cold lima beans all the while hoping that the native wildlife would let me be for the time being. I nursed some wounds that I received in the crash. They didn’t really hurt, just more of a dull ache really.

After that I surveyed my assets and liabilities. 144 gross of lima beans, a jack knife and some small hand tools and an aeroplane fuselage and miscellaneous small stuff and one stinking palm tree. Damn where the hell am I? And is that an elephant tooting his trunk somewhere in the distance? This was quite a ways from heaven that much is for sure.

I decided it would be best to survey my new surroundings and make sure the Japanese had not set up a base or something here. You see them lima beans belonged to the US Army and, yep, I am running cargo for the USAAF. Near as I can remember the date is 23 May 1943, but I might have been out cold for a day or two. I don’t know for sure.

I grabbed the pistol and went out of the fuselage onto the white sands of this low lying island. Heck, I bet that th highest point on the whole island isn’t even 10 feet above sea level. After 15 minutes of walking the entire circumference of the island I found myself once again at the wreckage. Only me and one damned palm tree and is that an elephant in the distance tooting his trunk? I hope this island is somewhere near a major shipping lane or I am majorly screwed.

Days passed. The nights passed too. I couldn’t even give you a clue as to how many. Ennui. God such ennui. I played solitaire until my eyes felt like they were bleeding. I read and reread and read again the ops manual for the plane. I walked every square inch of the island until I knew it so well I was naming the pebbles of sand as if they were my pets or something. And somebody please find and destroy that damned elephant!

I dozed. I never really slept for fear I might miss seeing a ship passing night to my Elba. I had gathered enough flammable things from the plane to build a fire if’n I saw some ship nearby but none ever came by and no planes ever flew overhead. One me, one damned palm tree, and the devil nearby tooting his trunk!

One day I saw an alligator walking upright across the island, his tail bouncing in the rhythm of his every step. He just appeared out of nowhere. He came over to where I stood in amazement at how green the gator was.

‘Pardon me, sir, but have you the time?’ he asked very politely.

‘No sir, I am afraid that I don’t. About noontime I would reckon,’ I replied nonchalantly.

‘That is about my guess also. Time for some dinner,’ he grinned at me and I flinched supposing he was about to eat me.

Then he pulled out a can of lima beans and two tin plates. He opened the lima beans, scooped out the beans onto the plates and offered me one of the plates.

‘I hope you like liam beans,’ he said.

‘Not really, but thank you I will take them,’ I said almost sad that I wasn’t the main course. ‘So what brings a sophisticated gator like ye to place like this?’

‘Well I am a Fuller Brush man, dont worry right now though, I am off the clock, that is unless you are interested, of course,’ he smiled.

‘Do you get much business out here?’

‘Sure I am the top salesman for the company. My clientèle is also quite large because of my success.’

‘I would have never guessed. Kudos to you.’

‘Tis nothing really. I just do my job the best way I can and the good Lawd has blessed me ever so much.’

‘So you are a Christian.’

‘Certainly! Isn’t everyone?’

‘Well no, no not really.’

‘Then maybe I need to sell more brushes.’

After this little exchange the alligator rose, gathered his things and then departed being followed by a duck, a mallard duck.

After that the elephant tooted yet again.