Hanford Johnson cusses the Devil

Pastor Jack was the itinerant preacher for the area. He wasn’t really the pastor of any church in Witimka or anywhere else. He just traveled to many of the churches in the state making a complete circuit of the churches every couple of months. He was held in high regard by the folks in the Witimka congregation and it is generally believed that he first became called ‘Pastor Jack’ in Witimka.

On one of Pastor Jack’s regular stops to preach at the Methodist Baptist Church of Christ, Brother Bill Higgins decided that the time had come for a testimonial service. Now a testimonial service is one in which the people get up in front of the whole congregation and tell of the good things that God has done for them recently. It was generally a very uplifting experience for both the testifiers and the hearers.

This particular testimonial service had one Hanford Johnson in the service and he was wanting to testify. Now Hanford only just recently found Jesus. Jesus had saved him from a life of debauchery, alcohol, and all around meanness and for this Hanford, and all of Witimka County, was especially thankful. Pastor Higgins called Hanford to the pulpit and he turned to Pastor Jack, who was seated right behind the pulpit, and told Jack about the miracle that had occurred in Hanford’s life.

Hanford finally got to the pulpit and began thusly…

‘I am happy and thankful the Jesus saved me from the life that I was in. I was involved in all sorts of vile sins. Sins that that (expletive deleted) devil had thrust upon me.’

Now the congregation patiently let this slide because after all Hanford was the chief of sinners in Witimka County and they really didn’t expect Hanford to be totally reformed just yet. BUT Hanford continued his soliloquy with a litany of profanity that lasted for a solid fifteen minutes. Many a profane word was retired that day due to overuse as Hanford cussed the devil. It is even believed that at that church in Witimka on that very Sunday morn that a few of our more vile cusswords were created. If Guiness had been making their book back then this day would be a world record for the longest continual use of profanity in public or private by a single individual in a single day.

The bashful single women in their Sunday finery and seated right behind the mourners bench blushed to a very pleasant shade of scarlet. The moms in the congregation hurried to place their gloved hands over the ears of their young children. The men in the congregation became more than a little flustered at this spectacle and on the back row of the church many a young boy was hurriedly taking notes. Pastor Jack sat in his chair behind the pulpit seemingly unfazed by the whole ordeal lightly tapping his fingers on his Bible and bobbing his head to the rhythm in which Hanford hurled his insults at the devil.

After Hanford ended his talking about the Devil and the road of perdition Pastor Higgins, very nonplussed by the whole speech, rose to the pulpit. He nervously began to speak but was so disturbed by Hanford’s rant that the words failed to reach his lips. Pastor Jack, sensing the unease of Pastor Higgins, came to his rescue.

‘You know every once in a while the Devil needs a good cussin,´ Pastor Jack started. ‘I had this real nice sermon prepared for y’all, but I doubt I can top Brother Johnson’s sermon. I say, let’s have an altar call and call it a day.’

During the altar call fifteen people got saved and just about everyone else rededicated their lives to God. Hanford Johnson and his cussin of the devil is credited with beginning the Great Witimka Revival of ’09.